Time for another Popsicle Award

It's that time again folks. It's time for a Popsicle Award to acknowledge an idiot who only has a Popsicle stick keeping his ears apart.

Paul Moran, a budding alchemist in Northern Ireland, has just landed in gaol. Why? Because of his latest alchemical experiment. In true alchemist fashion, he was attempting to transmute something into gold. But rather than lead, he decided to try transmuting pooh. That's right, folks, he tried to turn his own crap into gold.

Apparently not blessed with an abundance of the alchemical tools of the trade, he attempted to achieve this transmutation on the heater in his living room.

Not surprisingly, the grand experiment failed, causing £3000 of damage and requiring the attendance of the local fire brigade. Moran has been imprisoned for three months for 'arson and endangering the lives of others.'

Now this one seems just too ridiculous to be true so here's the link to the Belfast Telegraph so you can read it for yourselves.

Congratulations, Paul Moran, on being awarded this latest Popsicle Award for only having a Popsicle stick keeping your ears apart.

I think I shall have to give up on my fledgling stand up comedy career. How the hell can I compete with real stuff like that?!