Will the real Clive Palmer please stand up?

Picture: Glenn Barnes

Something has just struck me a blinding mental blow.

It has become almost something of a national past-time to ridicule and make fun of Australian billionaire mining magnate, Clive Palmer. But we've been entirely wrong to do so.

Now Clive has been anything but reticent in making all sorts of press statements in recent times. To mention just a few:

• the CIA is backing green groups in a bid to kill the Australian coal mining industry

• his company Blue Star Line Pty Ltd had just commissioned the state-owned Chinese company CSC Jinling Shipyard to build a near replica of the Titanic

•  he was contesting the parliamentary seat currently held by Federal Treasurer and Labor Party power broker, Wayne Swan (announced the same day as the Titanic plans)

• he wants to launch an online newspaper to be staff by the journalists being laid off by Fairfax (possibly inspired by the failure of his mate, Gina Reinhardt, to get editorial control on the Board of Fairfax?)

• 

  Picture: Lisa Clarke Source: The Courier-Mail

   he was giving up on Wayne Swan's seat and instead going after independent, former National Party, hat-wearing, gun-toting, redneck Bob Katter's seat (despite Katter's stranglehold that ain't gonna be broken in a hurry - watch out Clive - Bob might just start loading mining-magnate-gauge shot)
  
   But now the penny has just dropped. Clive Palmer clearly has a quite big picture plan in mind.
  
  Obviously the grim spectre of the CIA really is controlling our not-so-little corner of the Antipodean world, with President Obama about to declare us the next State within the Union - and Prime Minister Jul-i-ah can do a reprise of her tearful speech to both houses in the US about how the US can do 'anything.' And we'd almost certainly lose all that which is great and good about Australia - cricket and football. And we can't have that, can we! Although perhaps one of the US's super-smart-missiles might be just what we need to regain the Ashes.
  
  Then adding to the disaster, we've been dodging the pieces of the sky that are now falling in all over the place following implementation of the Carbon Tax so clearly we are definitely in need of saving.
  
  The key to fixing these terrible disasters is obviously a free press. And now our dear, philanthropic Clive, will come to the rescue with his own online newspaper!
  
  "Oh no," I can hear you all cry. "Won't the terrible CIA just take that over as well?"
  
  Fear not, dear friends, because philanthropic and saviour-of-all-that-is-great-provided-it-benefits-him Clive has the answer there too. You see, that is where the new Titanic comes in - Clive will dump all his former Fairfax journos on the ship and sail them gleefully around the world and keeping them out of the clutches of the US spooks.
  
  See - all we need to do is keep a clear and open mind about things and they all make sense, don't they?
  
  Now if you have an opinion on what I'm blathering about or even just feel like saying hi, then don't be afraid to leave a comment or post something to me via Twitter or Facebook. I don't bite - at least not always.